My husband and I finally had THE TALK. I've known for a while that what we once shared had been eroded by neglect and indifference, but he finally acknowledged this and verbalized it after a tearful confrontation. It was painful and yet cathartic.
We've been together for over 15 years and today was the first truthful conversation in a very long time. Something happened about 10 years ago that made him shut me off completely.. he retreated emotionally and physically and as he put it tonight, he is finally coming out of zombie-like existence and awakening--the danger is of course that this new him and I might not longer be compatible.
I feel like I'm living with a total stranger all of a sudden. We are not divorcing or even separating, but he needs time and space to figure things out and get his life in order. As he is currently at student with a very heavy school schedule, plus is also holding a full time job, I've agreed to put things on hold for 4 weeks. But what this means in the meantime is a complete mystery to me.
What is his label and place in my life in the interim? He continues to be dear to me and is a friend, but a husband--in the true sense of the word? Not really. A lover or confidant? Hardly. How can I cohabit with him when I don't know his role in my life, or mine in his, is.
He said that he still sees me as his soulmate, but that something is broken in our link. That he loves me, but is not in love with me... That he wants to fall in love with me again... That he will fight for us... He needs time... do I have it to give?
I am a soul gone adrift... my anchor, my mate has gone translucent and I have no substance. I am feeling swallowed by the nothingness.
How sad and pathetic.
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